You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
