dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize