Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize