Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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