Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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