Don't you send me to vm
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
