actually, I'm a sock model
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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