I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize