all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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