"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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