he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
