I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize