mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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