I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
