I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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