i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
