peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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