You made me cry and you don't even care
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
