i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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