what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
