I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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