She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize