I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
