He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
