Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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