some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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