vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I would ride that face into the sunset
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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