I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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