I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
