My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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