The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
