It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
