what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
