just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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