My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
