I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
