Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize