I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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