why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize