Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
