It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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