Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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