just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
