oh god the rape fog is back!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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