you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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