I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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