Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
