hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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