Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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