Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
