she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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