I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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