Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
