Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize