Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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