Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
