Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
