We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
