I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
