you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
