We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
