Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Houston, we have a blender
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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