successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
