I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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