my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
