I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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