Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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