i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
