saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
