I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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