Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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