i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
