I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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