I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
