as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You pole danced in your parka.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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